Bringing New Attitudes to the Christmas Table
Have you ever been witness to a sweet soul behaving badly? Watching an angry passenger on a plane, a ticked-off diner at a restaurant, or a maniacal driver on the highway can evoke a physical response. Your body stiffens and every hair on the back of your neck tingles as you wrestle with your own emotional reaction to the scene.
Perhaps your encounters with bad behavior hit a little closer to home: parents or siblings arguing, toddlers in full-tantrum mode, or that uncle who utters the most unnecessary and unkind comments in front of the very person or people they will hurt the most, and he seemingly does it on purpose. I have witnessed these behaviors and, to be fully transparent, I have even exhibited them a few times. As the Christmas holiday approaches, the idea of gathering with those folks can feel fairly traumatizing. But what if we reframed our gatherings as a gift to receive rather than chaos to dread or avoid altogether? What if we armed ourselves with some new viewpoints that are true of every person who takes their seat at the table this Christmas?
First, every seat at that table is filled with a sinner in need of Christ. Whether Christian or non-Christian, we all have fallen short of the glory of God and need a savior. We all are imperfect people (all means every one of us!), so let’s humble ourselves and show grace.
Second, every seat at your table is filled with a soul. What you see on the surface is not the full picture. There is something deeper going on. If there is a table topic that gets heated, you can almost guarantee that it’s because someone is passionate about it. And, there is some deeper reason for why they care so deeply about it. Ask questions and try to understand why it matters to them, don’t just try to prove your point or tell them they are wrong. If you can pull back that curtain and get to the heart of the matter, then you may also get the opportunity to speak truth into it, and maybe even learn something new yourself.
Third, every seat at your table is filled on purpose. God is sovereign and he doesn’t make mistakes. God didn’t mistakenly give you the wrong people to love. They may be hard to love, but He made you to love them anyway. Our current culture says to cut out the hard people and put up boundaries, but Jesus entered into the hard and messy, and so should we. Pray for those hard-to-love people, don’t push them away.
Some time ago, I had the opportunity for a little practice on this front. I encountered a messy situation, and honestly, I was tempted and fell into old habits. But then I was reminded of how much redeeming work the Lord has done in me and how much more he still has to do. I took a moment to pray and calm my heart, and I sought out the person who had frustrated me. As I gently asked questions, she poured out her fears and worries, and the curtains were pulled back on what was really happening. A person who seemed stubborn and angry to me just moments earlier, I now saw through my Father’s eyes. And He saw a soul desperately in need of the hope of Christ. I heard the lens of hopelessness that this person and so many people use to interpret this world. My heart broke for her, and I was able to speak truth into the struggles of her heart and encourage her to seek after Christ. All because I allowed God to show me the gift of the gathering.
That encounter leads me to my last viewpoint: prayer is a powerful tool. As you prepare for your large group gatherings at Christmas, or any time of year, pray for a calm heart, full of grace and truth. Pray for humility. Pray for good, loving, and truth-filled conversations. Pray for hearts to be changed by the truth of the gospel. Pray that God would redeem the messy gatherings for an eternal purpose.
This Christmas let’s seek peaceful table gatherings not for the purpose of having a good holiday together, but for the purpose of the eternal celebration that we are all invited to. As we do, may we see God’s transformational power at work.
— Chelsea Nelson for The Sublime Soiree © December 2025
