I recently read Shannon Popkin’s book from Moody Publishers called Kinda Judgy, and I have to admit I was immediately convicted. I knew I could be judgmental at times. I mean, we all know that about ourselves, right? But I don’t think I had really stopped to consider how often it happens.
As I read Shannon’s book, I started paying attention to where my mind goes. I discovered some pretty revealing things. If someone made a decision, I’d think, I wouldn’t do that. If someone handled something differently than I would, I’d think, Why would she do that? Someone would say something, and before I even realized it, I’d make an assumption about what they meant or why they did it.
I thought to myself, Oh my goodness. How often do I do this? The more I pondered Shannon’s book, the more I realized that judgment isn’t always something we say out loud. Sometimes it happens quietly in our own minds. And it made me wonder, what is underneath some of those thoughts?
Sometimes, I think, it’s pride. It’s that subtle feeling that I know better. That was hard for me to admit. And for all these reasons, I have loved walking through our eight-part The Sublime Soirée Podcast series with Shannon on mercy and judgment. As we talked, and as I continued to sit with the Lord, He kept showing me little places in my own heart that needed surrender.
I’ve been thinking about surrender a lot this year. I originally thought surrender would be about giving God my plans, my expectations, and the things I can’t control. But I’ve discovered that surrender is also giving God my judgments. And I would also throw in my assumptions, my comparisons, my need to be right, and my tendency to think I know why someone did what they did. Anyone know what I am saying?
Here’s the truth: if pride says, “I know better,” surrender says, “Lord, You know better.” And that has made me think differently about the difference between judgment and discernment. I don’t want to stop being discerning. We need wisdom. We need to make good decisions and recognize what is true. But I don’t want to call something discernment when I’ve already made up my mind about someone.
If pride says, “I know better,” surrender says, “Lord, You know better.”
There are subtle differences between judgment and discernment that we need to notice. For instance, judgment says, “I know,” while discernment says, “Lord, show me.” Judgment rushes to a conclusion, but discernment waits.
When I’m sitting with Him, listening to Him, and allowing Him to search my heart, I don’t have to figure everyone else out. There is already a Judge, and He is a good judge. He sees the whole story, He knows what I don’t know, and He sees motives and circumstances and hearts in ways I never could. So why am I trying to sit in His seat? I can step out of the judgment seat and take my seat at the table.
I think abiding with Jesus is what helps us tell the difference. Jesus talks about this kind of abiding in John 15. He says, “Abide in me, and I in you.’ He reminds us that a branch cannot bear fruit by itself; it must remain connected to the vine. In the same way, I can’t produce fruit of mercy, humility, and patience through my own effort. I need to remain connected to Jesus.
And that brings me right back to the heart of what we talk about at You’re Invited Ministries. God has invited me (and you) to His table. Not because we’ve gotten everything right. Not because we have never been judgmental or prideful or made assumptions about other people. We’ve been invited because of His mercy. When we remember how much mercy we have received, it changes the way we want to see ourselves and other people.
We see ourselves through God’s mercy and replace the question, “Am I judgmental?” with, “Where am I still holding on to the right to judge?” And then, I surrender that part of my heart and mind to Him. That truth has stayed with me since reading Shannon’s book. And it’s also changing how I think about others.
Now, when I catch myself thinking, I wouldn’t do that, I’m trying to pause. I tell myself that maybe I don’t know the whole story. Maybe I don’t need to. Perhaps I can simply pray:
Lord, You know what I don’t know. Help me discern what You want me to discern, surrender what isn’t mine to carry, and see this person through Your eyes.
I think of a word someone wise shared with me, “you are only responsible for the way you think, act, and behave.” I’m still learning, but Shannon’s book and these conversations have made me more aware of my own heart and more grateful for the mercy of Jesus.
