Curiosity: A Powerful Tool in Forging Fellowship

I once learned a powerful lesson on forging fellowship from the great philosopher Ted Lasso. Rather than trying to explain it, I’ll let Ted tell you himself. Just click here.

Ok, I stretched to call the fictional Ted Lasso a “great philosopher.” But, I have to agree with his speech on this point: curiosity is indeed a powerful tool in our conversational toolbelt! It not only guards us against judging others, but it also helps us better frame actions or words aimed at us. I have been thinking a lot lately about pivoting from judgment to curiosity. I think it might be one of those actions we easily overlook in ourselves. Almost unwittingly, and especially in today’s social climate, we can cast judgment on others. We also can assume others are judging us as harshly as we are judging ourselves. And we don’t even realize it.

I think that attitudinal tendency is why Jesus cautions us in His word not to judge lest we be judged. It’s an age-old issue. But the interesting thing is that we can easily pivot from judgment to curiosity simply by changing the question within our minds. Rather than asking “Why?” we could ask “What?” For instance, rather than asking ourselves, “Why did she make that face at me?” we could say, “Hmm. Her expression just changed. I wonder what just happened.” Adjusting our viewpoint like that might move us to compassion. We might ask, “Are you ok? Is there anything I can do to help?”

To be honest, I can count too many times when I made a judgment call about someone before I ever had the opportunity to interact with them. I (like Ted’s dart competitor, Rupert) assumed that we had nothing in common or that they were out of my league. More personally, I have been in conversations when I saw someone’s expression change and assumed that they didn’t like something I said or worse, didn’t like me. And in both scenarios those faulty observations halted the interactions. I might have been present in body, but my heart went into hiding. Replacing judgment with curiosity tears down those self-erected barriers and moves us to a more authentic connection.

Now I don’t want to appear naïve. Sometimes there really are critical people in our midst. Jesus encountered them frequently during his life here on earth. In fact, a recent devotional I completed from Shining Lights Trust*, outlined three types of people Jesus encountered during his ministry and how he handled them all.

• Interested listeners – These were the disciples and followers who intently listened to what Jesus had to say, wanting to understand Him better. Jesus engaged these people by sharing parables and stories that they could process and understand.
• Disinterested listeners – These people were the skeptics. They were part of the crowd, listening, but their doubting spirits led them to question the validity of Jesus’s teachings. Jesus intrigued these individuals through those same parables and stories, but they may have struggled to understand.
• Hostile listeners – These individuals hated Jesus and what He brought to the table. They weren’t interested in listening, they were bent on trapping Him into heresy or some other punishable offense. Jesus deflected them and their accusations.

And what was Jesus’s main tool of deflection? Questions. Jesus returned the hostile people’s questions with more questions. And here is the really cool thing about each of Jesus’s conversational approaches: they all came from a place of love. The interested listeners became his immediate followers with full access to him and his teaching. But he left the disinterested listeners with enough intriguing information to whet their appetites, maybe even frustrate them to the point of wanting to know more. And when their disinterest turned to interest, he was ready to engage them immediately. Even to those hostile listeners, Jesus provided thought-provoking questions that could move them to ruminate, meditate, and maybe even become curious. And when their curiosity moved to interest, Jesus welcomed them to the table. Oh, our gracious God!

Jesus believed the best in others. He believed it could be unlocked in even the angriest, most combative people. So he offered them hope, lovingly but wisely interacting with them all. What if we followed his example in our interactions? How much more fruitful might our conversations and interactions become? I want to follow Ted Lasso’s train of thought and Jesus’s example. I’m going to start by getting way more curious. I am going to work at replacing my “whys” with “whats”. And I’m going to consider engaging with the interested, intriguing the disinterested, and deflecting the hostile through the power and love of my Savior. How about you? I’m curious. What do you think?

The Sublime Soiree (c) September 2024

NOTE*: For info on the Shining Lights Trust, click here.